


You're All I Ever Wanted (And Worth Dying For Too)

by hwe (plumroot)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M, Post-iKON
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 21:25:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19028245
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plumroot/pseuds/hwe
Summary: Less than two weeks after iKON's 15th anniversary concert, Goo Junhwe is brought into police custody in connection with the murder of Kim Donghyuk's husband.





	You're All I Ever Wanted (And Worth Dying For Too)

 

 

 

“I’ll give you my heart to make a place 

for it to happen, evidence of a love that transcends hunger.

Is that too much to expect? That I would name the stars

for you? That I would take you there?

 

 

 

 

From the balcony of Donghyuk's ritzy Apgujeong apartment, the wind tasted like stale cigarette smoke. A few specks of red ember flickered lamely at the foot of the glass table. Jinhwan finally managed to kick his habit. Just before the disbandment, it had caused a huge fight between him and Hanbin. Everyone was secretly relieved it did. Ironically, tonight it was Donghyuk who asked for the cigarette. He knew Jinhwan carried some in case. Donghyuk watched the black Tesla drive away before heading back inside, closing the sliding doors.

       Rich soprano vocals gushed from the vintage gramophone in the corner, loud enough that the television playing simultaneously was merely a murmur, a background hum. Donghyuk went to pour himself a glass of wine.

_"Breaking news. Chart-topping soloist and former iKON member Goo Junhwe-"_

       The soft ceiling lights changed intensity as Donghyuk walked to the leather couch, sensing his languid movement across the lounge. Donghyuk turned up the volume. Higher and higher, until the newscaster's voice was louder than the soprano music.

_"- connection with the murder of Yoo Jangchul, CEO of multi-million-dollar company GOBE Entertainment and husband of former iKON member Kim Donghyuk. Yoo’s body was found in a forest in Ansan last Tuesday, only two days after iKON’s 15 th anniversary concert. The 49-year-old was shot four times and stabbed once in the stomach. _

_"While the authorities have remained discreet regarding more details, the incident has gripped national headlines for the past week. The absence of information has led to much speculation and discussion, particularly by netizens. However, Goo Junhwe’s alleged implication in the murder has certainly taken the public and fans aback. Both Goo Junhwe's lawyers and the police are yet to release a formal statement."_

       And amidst this noise and trembling of the walls and furniture, as if the crescendo of an opera, Donghyuk experienced a moment of pure tranquillity and collectedness. A calm. And then the storm. His phone, as anticipated, exploded with messages and incoming calls at once, vibrating with urgency on the lacquered coffee table.

       Donghyuk finished his glass of wine and then reclined back on the couch, closing his eyes.

 

  

 **HOST:** You sing a lot about love. What is love to you?

 **GOO JUNHWE:** Love is surrendering yourself to a person completely.

  

 

An anniversary concert seemed like a wonderful idea on paper, until Jiwon arrived drunk right off a plane from Los Angeles, Yunhyeong wouldn’t get off Facetime with his 6-month-pregnant wife, and 10 minutes after rehearsal was set to start two of the members had still not arrived. Back in the day it might have been inconceivable that the two maknaes were to become the most successful after disbandment. Chanwoo had found his place amongst big names in the acting industry, and Junhwe’s solo was so spectacular the public had given him the crown of the Nation’s Voice. It put things into perspective. But then again, the times had changed. And people had changed with it.

       Despite the strangeness of it all, there was still a sense of familiarity that brought slight comfort to Jinhwan. Hanbin was asleep on the floor despite perfectly vacant couches, hands crossed over his chest like he had something to protect and wearing one of those silly eye masks gently off-centred. If Jinhwan was in his twenties again, he would have fallen in love with Hanbin. Not that it stopped him the first time. Not that it mattered at the end, either.

       “Bets on who is last,” Jiwon croaked suddenly, head faced down on the foldout table. "I bet Chanwoo.”

       “Junhwe has the severest case of Celebrity Syndrome,” Hanbin responded bluntly from the floor. Apparently, he was not asleep. “I bet Junhwe.”

       Yunhyeong, turning away from his phone, laughed. “Bin-ah. You’re only on time because Jinhwan-hyung told you the meeting time was 2 hours earlier.”

       Some things never change, Jinhwan realised, as he fondly watched his members, _brothers_ , bicker. Jinhwan went to sit with Donghyuk at the dressing tables.

       “Are you feeling okay? You’ve been quiet.”

       Donghyuk smiled wearily. “I’m alright. Just… nervous.”

       “It’s normal. Since it has been a while since you were last on stage. But it _all_ comes back. Like a rush.”

        “Thanks, hyung.”

       The stakes of the bet were never mentioned but that did not matter because neither won. Both Junhwe and Chanwoo arrived together. This was the first time all 7 members were in one room since Yunhyeong’s wedding.

       And maybe this meant something to Jinhwan. Because before he could quip at the maknaes for being late, he had already burst into tears.

 

  

 

**KIM JINHWAN**

**FOR "SUSPECT"**

**DATE: SEPTEMBER 27, 2030**

**LOCATION: SEOUL METROPOLITAN POLICE AGENCY**

**DETECTIVE PARK** : WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GOO JUNHWE AND KIM DONGHYUK? 

**KIM JINHWAN** : THEY WERE CLOSE FRIENDS. BROTHERS.

**DETECTIVE PARK** : YOU'RE AWARE OF THE RUMOURS.

**KIM JINHWAN** : THEY ARE RUMOURS FOR A REASON.

**DETECTIVE PARK** : AND THAT REASON IS?

**KIM JINHWAN** : NO ONE CAN PROVE THAT THEY ARE TRUE.

 

 

 

**[NAVER BLOG] Can You Keep A Secret?**

Has Goo Junhwe been in love with Kim Donghyuk all this time?

**By: peachseed**

**Posted: February 11, 2024**

Now that iKON has disbanded, I must get something off my chest. I think Goo Junhwe and Kim Donghyuk were in love at some point. Or, at least, Goo Junhwe was in love with Kim Donghyuk.

Here are some compilations of lines from Junhwe’s poems [x] and lyrics from his songs [x] that make references to Donghyuk. Admittedly, some might be a stretch or purely coincidental. But then are there not too many coincidences to simply ignore?

There was speculation that Junhwe was referencing Japanese singer Yuka Nakamura, who featured in his title track _Farewell_ for his Japanese debut, however it is more or less confirmed they only met for business reasons and do not keep in contact. Across several interviews ever since the few years before iKON’s disbandment, Junhwe has answered the same thing consistently when the questions broached the muse for his poetry and song-writing. His answer has always been someone he has “known and loved for a long time”. Who has he known longer than his bandmate Kim Donghyuk, who he lived and trained and grew into adulthood with? Who could he love more?

  1. [+243, -71] Well, regardless of whether this is true or not I still think they look f*cking good together.
  2. [+111, -40] I have something to add. In 2020, I attended iKON’s Konfession in Seoul, that show where Donghyuk accidentally fell off a platform and consequently took a break from the rest of the tour. At the time of the fall, Junhwe was somewhere on the other side of the arena, but only moments later he was right beside Donghyuk. He sprinted to him so quickly I honestly thought something terrible had happened (well, it had). Also, Junhwe was very distressed and agitated after Donghyuk was carried off stage. While the other members awkwardly tried to continue, Junhwe obviously had no interest in continuing. His mood was so dangerous that I couldn’t help but feel sorry. I am not making this up. Look at the fan cams from the concert! Most stories were focused on Donghyuk and his recovery, rightfully, but now that I think back to it, we saw another side of Junhwe on that night that was very different.
  3. [+104, -33] I am also an iKONIC and I agree with you! There were so many signs pointing to it, but everyone chose to focus on Jinhwan/Junhwe or Bobby/Junhwe.
  4. [+51, -77] Woah fans are delusional. Truly daebak. Who even cares about this now? iKON is over. Goo Junhwe is doing well on his own as a soloist and Kim Donghyuk is basically a nobody.



 

 

Maybe the one most worried about the anniversary concert was Chanwoo, because after disbandment he had put away singing and dancing for good and never imagined ever having to go back to it. Slip on the red glimmering jacket; pick up the new red microphone custom-made for the occasion. Was this another skin? Or a reversion? Chanwoo took a deep breath as the crowd grew impatient, stomping and calling for their idols. On three, two, one.

        8 years may have passed since the team performed on stage together, but the fire had never died. Fans enthusiastically waved their glowing lightsticks and sang along to every song as if only yesterday their idols hosted a fan sign and tomorrow they would be introducing themselves as iKON on national television. When the members laughed, the fans laughed. A sea of passion. A galaxy of stars as beautiful as Chanwoo knew it to be.

       “Thank you for coming,” Jinhwan said. “This has truly blown my mind.”

       “We didn’t expect to be received with so much love,” Donghyuk echoed.

       “We were anxious at first,” Jiwon added. “It’s been so long. What if you guys no longer love us? But we were wrong. It feels like I never left Korea. I feel at home. Here. With you guys.”

       “We have never forgotten the support and love we have received,” Yunhyeong managed to get out, before crying into his towel. Chanwoo offered comfort, but found himself becoming emotional.

       “We remember it all,” Hanbin finished for Yunhyeong. “We hope that you cherish iKON as a precious memory in your heart, the same way we do.”

       During this whole time, Junhwe was staring out vacantly at the crowd. “Sorry for making you wait,” were his words, after a pause.

       And when the members wept, the fans wept, too.

 

 

 

**GOBE Entertainment CEO Yoo Jangchul and former K-pop star Kim Donghyuk announce engagement**

**By: Lee Choisik**

**SEOUL** (October 2025)– Some K-pop groups break up and nothing is ever heard of the members again, but this apparently will not be the case for YG Entertainment’s iKON. Although the boy group never managed to reach the success of its labelmates 2NE1, BIGBANG, or BLACKPINK while together, its former members have carved out their own designations in the industry post-disbandment.

Kim Hanbin reached his eventual stage of being a sell-out producer, Kim Jiwon (BOBBY) broke into the Western hip-hop scene where his K-pop roots have currency, Kim Jinhwan’s solo was received with mediocre applause, Song Yunhyeong now endorses half the products in my household, Jung Chanwoo has starred in so many dramas that his past in iKON is basically erasable, Goo Junhwe has become the singing sensation he was destined to be (my girlfriend can’t stop talking about him either), and Kim Donghyuk skips all the trouble by simply marrying a multi-millionaire.

Little is known about their relationship; how they met, how long they have known each other. Avid fans have scoured the internet for any clues or hints Kim Donghyuk may have left, however it appears there is none. Of most relevance might be the fact that both attended last year’s Melon Music Awards, although no interaction was noticed. In January, Kim Donghyuk’s ill-fated dance academy was abruptly acquired by a label now known as a subsidiary of GOBE Entertainment.

Reactions to the announcement have been mixed. Amongst confusion and surprise, there was a flurry of fans who have expressed their best wishes for the couple. Kim Donghyuk’s former bandmates and labelmates have, in similar fashion, shared their congratulations to the couple on social media. The wedding is set for spring, but Kim Donghyuk need not wait so long for the flowers to blossom. He has already found for himself the greenest tree.

 

 

 

**GOO JUNHWE**

**AS "SUSPECT"**

**DATE: SEPTEMBER 26, 2030**

**LOCATION: SEOUL METROPOLITAN POLICE AGENCY**

**DETECTIVE PARK** : IKON DID NOT DISBAND ONLY BECAUSE OF CONTRACT EXPIRATION, DID IT.

**GOO JUNHWE** : JINHWAN WAS IN AND OUT OF REHAB. HANBIN HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO TAKE CARE OF HIS NEXT FIVE GENERATIONS. YUNHYEONG - HE. YEAH. JIWON NO LONGER WANTED TO BE AN IDOL RAPPER. NO ONE CARED ENOUGH TO RE-SIGN.

**DETECTIVE PARK** : WHAT ABOUT KIM DONGHYUK? AND YOU?

**GOO JUNHWE** : I AM SORRY. HOW IS THIS RELEVANT TO YOUR INVESTIGATION?

**DETECTIVE PARK** : WHY DID YOU NOT ATTEND KIM DONGHYUK'S WEDDING? HE WAS ONE OF YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS. BROTHERS.

**GOO JUNHWE** : I WAS IN NEW YORK PROMOTING MY SOLO. THE WEDDING WAS ANNOUNCED OUT OF NOWHERE. MY SCHEDULES HAD BEEN PLANNED MONTHS IN ADVANCE. 

**DETECTIVE PARK** : SO, YOU WERE SURPRISED BY THE ANNOUNCEMENT?

**GOO JUNHWE** : ALL OF US WERE.

**DETECTIVE PARK** : WERE YOU NOT JEALOUS THAT KIM DONGHYUK WAS MARRYING ANOTHER MAN?

**GOO JUNHWE** : WHY WOULD I HAVE BEEN?

**DETECTIVE PARK** : BECAUSE YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH HIM TOO.

 

 

 

Everyone slowly trickled out of the dorms after MIX & MATCH ended, but Donghyuk was afraid he would never see some of the members again after results were announced, so he stayed behind as long as he could and naturally Junhwe opted to stay with him.

       On the night that they announced the sixth member, and it wasn’t Donghyuk, Junhwe felt his blood turn cold. He walked numbly into Donghyuk’s room, and Donghyuk was curled in the corner of his bed, crying. It seemed like the company had spread a deck of cards before them, and picked the cruellest to play. For the first time, he was worried. What would he do if they announce the seventh member next week, and it isn’t Donghyuk? Why had Junhwe been so confident all along that this would work out? That he needn’t worry?

       But this wasn’t about him. All he could do was stay strong. “I know what you're thinking,” Junhwe said, sitting on the edge of Donghyuk’s bed. He didn’t know whether to reach out and comfort him or not. He ended up bunching the silly floral sheets with his clammy hands. “I know you've been preparing for the worst. But it will be fine. Everything will be fine.”

       "It's easy for you to say,” Donghyuk answered, voice muffled by the duvet. “You're already in. You were obviously going to stay. But I'm… I'm _me_."

       "Do you really think they would make us go through two survival shows only to separate us? Do you think we'd even debut as a group _without_ you?"

       "I-I don't know. I don't know what to think. Am I lacking that much? I keep imagining the next announcement and it's not me. What do I do? What if I don’t make it?”

       “You will make it.”

       “What if they split us up?”

       The _us_ was not the boys they had lived and trained with for the past years. The _us_ was them. Junhwe and Donghyuk. Donghyuk and Junhwe. Them.

       It was right then, when Junhwe made the decision that he would give his heart to Donghyuk if he asked. If Donghyuk asked, Junhwe would rip his heart right out of his chest and give it to him.

       "I will protect you, Donghyuk. I promise.”

 

 

 

 

I wanted to hurt you

but the victory is that I could not stomach it. _We have_

_ swallowed him up,  _ they said. _It’s beautiful. It really is._

 

 

 

**VOICEMAIL FROM: UNKNOWN NUMBER**

_Aren’t you afraid? Your crimes are no longer a secret._

 

 

The singer lowered his cap and pulled his black face mask to the line just beneath his eyes as he navigated through the bustling market. Steam rose out of food carts and vendors yelled about trying to make a buck. People brushed past Junhwe without stopping to look twice. The investigator preferred public places. The more public, the better. There was more intimacy.

       He found their meeting spot after some struggle, a _pojangmacha_ hidden right down the back of the market. Disgruntled, Junhwe sat down only to see that the man must have had no issue waiting for him, judging from the half-empty plates on the table. He was dressed like a regular college student today. When they first met, he was in a grey suit.

       “Embezzlement,” he said, before Junhwe pulled down his mask. “And an affair.”

       “… _Affair_?”

       The man smiled. “Hang on. I’ll get to that.” He poured Junhwe a shot of soju, and Junhwe knocked it down without hesitating. “Misappropriation of funds. It’s been going on for... a long enough time. You _think_ GOBE makes money, but you haven’t seen these numbers before. It’s upwards of the hundreds of millions, if I have to guess. Your money has probably been touched too. A GOBE subsidiary has distributary rights to your music, right?”

       Junhwe didn’t know what to say.

       “And you’re wondering why,” the man spoke, for him. He pulled out his cellphone, and flicked to a picture. “This is why.”

       It was a picture of Yoo Jangchul and a woman. A younger-looking woman, with long brown hair and an almond shaped face. He had his arm around her. In another photo, he kissed her.

       “29-year-old. Teacher. They met when she was 20.

       “Let’s be frank,” the investigator continued, while Junhwe kept staring at the photograph. “Kim Donghyuk had no assets for him to appropriate. But then he did. Because they got married. And because Donghyuk got stakes in the company. There are two ways this goes. 1. If Donghyuk ever asks for a divorce and they can’t settle, the courts won’t award him _nothing._ Yoo committed _adultery_. It’ll still be a considerable chunk out of pocket. He doesn’t want that. 2. Yoo embezzles the shit out his own money, which he is doing, so when the divorce comes, from whoever’s end, there’s nothing left to split. Donghyuk is left with a piece of paper.”

       “Dong- Why would Donghyuk ask for a divorce? He doesn’t know about the woman.”

       The man smiled again, this time revealing his diastema. “How do you know he doesn’t?”

 

 

**GOO JUNHWE**

**AS "SUSPECT"**

**DATE: SEPTEMBER 29, 2030**

**LOCATION: SEOUL METROPOLITAN POLICE AGENCY**

**DETECTIVE PARK** : WE FOUND THE GUN. YOU DID A SHIT JOB WITH THAT ONE. NOW, TELL ME: WHERE IS THE KNIFE?

**GOO JUNHWE** : I HAVE NO IDEA.

**DETECTIVE PARK** : QUIT PLAYING. WE ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO PUT YOU AWAY FOR LIFE.

**GOO JUNHWE** : THEN WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?

 

 

 

Junhwe found Donghyuk leaning over the balcony, holding a glass of red wine. The sun was beginning to drop and the sea was on fire, and this would have looked like something right out of Junhwe’s dreams. Maybe in another life. Maybe in another time. “He’ll sign the divorce papers,” Junhwe said, as he joined Donghyuk at the iron balustrade. “He gets to keep his title, but everything else goes to you. The moment he goes off script in front of the media, all the incriminating evidence goes public.”

       “Are you sure he won’t back out?”

       “Does he have a choice?”

       Donghyuk looked out towards the sea. He had always wanted a place in Busan overlooking the water. Now he had one. A breeze licked their weary faces and a dirty seagull flew overhead, crying. “If you had just grabbed my hand that day, and whispered the words, I wouldn’t have married him. Even if he tied my hands together with rope and dragged me away. I wouldn’t have said yes. But you didn’t.”

       “I’m sorry,” Junhwe replied, but he knew this wasn’t what Donghyuk wanted to hear. Because if _sorry_ could fix anything, they wouldn’t be here.

       “We used to talk about where the sea ended. Remember?”

       “Yeah.” Junhwe remembered. He remembered the long nights in the dorm, sharing their thoughts and tears over a bottle of wine. He remembered sleepy conversations between the sheets, the entire world spinning around the still point of the two in each other’s arms.

       “You said the only way to know was to go to the other side.”

       Junhwe looked over at Donghyuk. If regret was a gun then all the bullets had Junhwe’s name engraved in them.

       “I’m tired, Junhwe.”

 _I know. I know, and I’m sorry._ “I will fix this,” answered Junhwe, as a promise; as an apology. “I will fix this all. It will be okay.”

 

 

 

**Woman, 29, found dead in home in Sinchon.**

A 29-year-old woman has been found dead in her home in Sinchon. The report was made by a concerned co-worker after the victim, who was a high-school teacher, failed to show up to work for two days. Police have ruled out her death as suspicious.

 

 

 

**KIM DONGHYUK**

**FOR "SUSPECT"**

**DATE: SEPTEMBER 28, 2030**

**LOCATION: SEOUL METROPOLITAN POLICE AGENCY**

**DETECTIVE PARK** : DO YOU KNOW WHY GOO JUNHWE DID WHAT HE DID?

**KIM DONGHYUK:** ONLY HE WOULD KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT.

 

 

 

Take a man with a sadness, and hold him by the shoulders so he can’t turn away no matter how hard he thrashes about. No matter how much it hurts. Tell him he is not the only one.

What does that make him?

 

 

 

**VOICEMAIL FROM: UNKNOWN NUMBER**

_Come to this address. Let’s settle this once and for all._

 

 

 

The dim lighting of the room made Donghyuk’s cheeks look hollower than they were, and the moonlight spilling in from the breaks in the curtain fell over his sculpted collarbones, like a galaxy had shattered across his skin. It was Junhwe's first time tasting stars. He learned that it tasted like warm honey and sorrow.

       Junhwe’s hand trembled as he brushed a damp curl of hair from Donghyuk’s face. Because Donghyuk had cried and his eyes were swollen and his lashes were matted. Because he was still crying. Because Junhwe was cradling broken pieces in his hands but that was better than nothing. Because to Junhwe, Donghyuk was the most beautiful thing in the world and nothing could change it.

       This was wrong. This was right. This was where they ended up.

       Donghyuk dug his fingers into Junhwe’s arm, whimpering softly underneath him for More, more, more. _Hold on to me. I love you. Cling to me like a lifeboat, baby. Let’s sail to the other side of the sea._ And when Donghyuk sobbed in rapture, Junhwe kissed him and kissed him and kissed him. Legend has it that stars fall from the sky because the sky loved the ground so much and couldn't accept that they could never be together. So then, why doesn't the sky just fall? What is it afraid of?

       Hearts rattled in the cages of their bare chests, as if crushing their bodies into each other would eventually mean they melted into one. Crash-test dummies. This was not an experiment; Junhwe knew exactly what he was feeling. How fragile and thin was the human body if a heartbeat could be felt through the skin. How fragile and thin was the human body.

       That night, love was a room and there were two hearts inside it. One belonged to Junhwe; both belonged to Donghyuk.

 

 

 

**GOO JUNHWE**

**AS "SUSPECT"**

**DATE: SEPTEMBER 26, 2030**

**LOCATION: SEOUL METROPOLITAN POLICE AGENCY**

**DETECTIVE PARK:** DID YOU LOVE KIM DONGHYUK?

**GOO JUNHWE** : DOES IT MATTER?

**DETECTIVE PARK** : I AM SURE IT DID. AT SOME POINT IN TIME.

**GOO JUNHWE** : WELL, IT DOESN'T NOW.

 

 

 

At the sound of knocking on his door, Junhwe closed his poetry scrapbook and pulled his headphones from his ears. “Come in!” he called. But it took him a moment to realise he was in a hotel room in Japan and not in the dorms. He groaned as he stood up to cross the room and open the door.

       “Hey,” Donghyuk smiled. He stood on his toes to peer over Junhwe’s shoulder and into the room. Junhwe always found it cute that Donghyuk was shorter than him. “Am I interrupting something?”

       “Nope. I was just writing.”

       “Oh cool,” Donghyuk nodded. “Want to go out for snacks?”

       Silly Junhwe had no filter sitting between his brain to his mouth. “Uh…”

       “Oh. It’s fine if you don’t want to. I was thinking that since you’re more used to the area you would be able to recommend some good places.” Donghyuk couldn’t read Junhwe’s expression. “Also, you’re a lot better at Japanese than I am.”

       Finally, it occurred to Junhwe what Donghyuk was saying. What he was _really_ saying. At the interview earlier, Donghyuk had made a joke that he would take Junhwe on a date. Yunhyeong retorted that it wouldn’t happen because their personalities were too conflicting. “G-give me a minute to get changed.”

       Donghyuk beamed, and in that instant a dozen new ways to describe radiance popped up in Junhwe’s brain. But that is tonight’s problem, he thought. “Take your time,” Donghyuk called as Junhwe raked through his suitcase. “I’ll be waiting right here.”

****

 

****

**_"_ ** _Donghyuk? You didn’t answer my calls. Wha- Why are your hands covered in blood? Are you hurt?!"_

“ _I k-killed him, Junhwe."_

_"… What?"_

_"He's d-dead Junhwe. He's dead. He's just lying on the floor. I killed him. He's dead. What do I do?"_

_"Y-you- This wasn't part of the plan, Donghyuk. W-what… H-how-"_

_"I'm so sorry. I-I didn't mean to. But I was so scared. What do I do, Junhwe? I k-killed him. I-”_

_"Donghyuk, look at me-"_

_"I-I don't know what to do. What do I do, Junhwe? Can you tell me? I'm a murderer now. I killed him-"_

_"Donghyuk. Look at me. Everything will be okay."_

_"No, it won't! He's dead! He's not moving or breathing! There's s-so much blood. I-I just killed him-"_

_"Donghyuk. Listen to me. It will be fine. You have_ me _. I am here with you. Okay?"_

_"I… I-I'm-"_

_"Nothing will happen to you. I will do everything in my power to make sure of that."_

 

 

 

 **HOST:** Well, since it’s nearly time to wrap up the show how about you say one last thing to your fans. Actually no. Say one last thing to the lucky person you are in love with, whoever they are.

 **GOO JUNHWE:** No matter what happens, I will keep the promise I made to you that day.

 

 

 

It was unanimously decided between the members that instead of attending Junhwe’s trial, they would stay beside Donghyuk to support him. Going out was only a trap of cameras and reporters, and all of them had experienced more than enough of that in the past month. Jiwon had cancelled his North America tour to stay in Korea and be with Donghyuk. Chanwoo delayed his drama shooting. Others may have moved on, but for them life was on standstill.

       But despite this tornado that had suddenly swung in their lives, and was in a sense still raging, no one could honestly say that they knew what was going on. The story didn’t seem to piece together, but Junhwe wouldn’t talk. No one had the courage to ask Donghyuk. Because he had already gone through too much, and no one had the right to hurt him even more.

       Hanbin and Chanwoo sat on the couch, watching television. It was an old American sitcom that Donghyuk liked. Jiwon played chess with himself on the dining table. Yunhyeong was somewhere in the apartment, video-calling his wife. Jinhwan was in the kitchen with Donghyuk.

       Their silence was heavy with the expectation of a phone call from the lawyers any moment, telling them the results. Everyone was on edge. But with the way the fake studio laughter came from the television and juice was poured into cups, it felt like another friendly gathering. This was potluck, Donghyuk was the host, and everyone was contributing their sympathy. No one had the heart to stop him. If this was his way of coping, then so be it.

       Donghyuk prepared apples. Knife, wet and glinting on the countertop. Going around, he offered slices to each of the members. They accepted without saying a word. Donghyuk went and sat across Jiwon.

       “Can I play?”

       Jiwon looked up from the chessboard, where he had clearly favoured one side, and pretended to groan. “ _Fine_. But you’re going to win anyway.”

       Smiling, Donghyuk helped Jiwon set the pieces properly back on the board. “Let’s see.”

 

 

 

 

I said _This is the Moon. This is_

_ the Sun. Let me name the stars for you. Let me take you _

_  there…  _ We were in the gold room where everyone 

finally gets what they want, so I said _What do you_

_ want, sweetheart?” _

Richard Siken,

Snow and Dirty Rain

 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what exemplifies my top jundong dynamic better than Junhwe literally bearing the brunt for Donghyuk's crime. I didn't intend to paint Donghyuk as a victim - if you read close enough (or catch my vibes) this is really about Junhwe's unrequited love and crushing want for Donghyuk. There really is no indication that Donghyuk returned Junhwe's feelings in a genuine capacity; he just sort of used him because he knew Junhwe would do anything for him. I hope that clarifies some things.


End file.
